So is my poetry…

…fairly grounded to the earth.  I think this must involve my science background in some way.  There is not such ambiguity as one might find in other poetry.  I think I should see what the limits of my ability to blend metaphors with concrete earthly ideas might be.  (or perhaps I should say “mix metaphors?!”)

In any event, the unfinished, yet famous “My love has wings…”/”Nightingale Woman” might be a worthy pursuit.  Since according to lore it should have been a sonnet.  Various writers have attempted to finish it while retaining, to some degree, its basic rhythm, and on the other hand, ignoring or not being able to perceive that the known lines are  indeed the first two lines of a sonnet, albeit with one syllable missing in the first line–a minor point, and not at all unusual.  In fact, sonnets appearing as early as 1600 observed pentametric rhythm without maintaining, in the strictest sense, iambic feet.  Still the five beats are heard:

My love has wings,
slender, feathered things
with grace in upswept curve
and tapered tip

These lines are often written as above, although this strikes me as a rendering to paper ones auditory impression of the lines.  But I’m no forensic expert in this matter.  For all I know, these lines might have been rendered thus in the original script (“Where no man has gone before” – Gene Roddenberry) In any case, format the lines as follows and you will see their true form begin to unfold:

My love has wings, slender, feathered things
With grace in upswept curve and tapered tip…

And due, in large part, to my reading (and writing) of many many sonnets, I would further venture that these first two lines imply an English Sonnet.  Here we have two stylistically similar lines, yet distinctly different.  The first with its internal rhyme, and missing syllable; the second with it’s five iambic feet and alliterative ending, suggest a ABAB style rhymescheme.

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6 responses to “So is my poetry…

  1. Sound like a good pursuit. It can actually be seen as a prompt for a sonnet as you say. I would say you are right, and replacing one syllable with a caesura as you have indicated is very appealing to my sense of rhythm. I can actually see the lines as concluding lines as well to be honest. Somehow I get an image of a swan in my mind when see the lines. I have not seen the poem before but that is what i see.
    Did a haiku on swans that you might have seen..

    http://brudberg.wordpress.com/2012/09/25/september-heights-haiku-paper-boat/

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    • Checking it now…. Regarding this fragment, it has been in the back of my mind to research this poem fragment which, for some reason, went directly into my memory when I first heard it nearly a half century ago. Also, for some strange reason,

      The problem is, I am not sure what is the best way to go about collaborating on such a project. In this case, it seems as though something like “trading lines” would not be appropriate because a main goal–because I have not seen it achieved as of yet–would be to keep the character of all the lines consistent. So… Perhaps some back and forth synergy regarding several complete versions of this written by both of us? We might, for example each write a version or two (or three, or four) and then cruelly and meticulously rework each other’s works to add, for example consistency of tone, or more consistent metaphors, or sound characteristics which more closely match the feel of the original lines.

      Also, on another note, your use of the term “caesura” for a pause, or missing syllable, sparked another idea. I think these discussions can tend to become quite technical, and since they are public, I have decided to explain such terms within any text I may write from now on, which might make such back and forth discussions of more use and interest to the young–or to those newly learning such things, should anyone actually happen across any of these ramblings!

      I, myself, enjoy such technical texts, in fields in which I am a novice, that do this. I do not feel it is “talking down to me” in the least. In fact, I do not even feel it is “talking down” in cases where I have some expertise. I find it relaxing and gives me more points, or ways in which to follow the writer’s train of thought. But early on, in my sonnet blog, for example, I found myself doing quite the opposite. Even when including a very methodical explanation, the use of such unexplained “poetry nerd” terms make such explanations more difficult to follow.

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    • You are right on the caesura side. It just happened to be a word I learned myself recently. Just a way to show off I guess, but on the other hand it has an exact meaning, which I guess is the reason it exist in the the first place.

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    • Occasionally, a post that is scheduled doesn’t post. I have wondered at the cause of this. I will look at the posts list and the entry will read in red letters “Schedule missed.” I wonder if you have had such a problem before? I wonder if it might not have something to do with having a few wordpress windows open on several machines at once. I can’t see how that should make a difference since I’m using IP masquerading, however such things are often a mystery to me, even though I have some expertise in this area. We are not allowed access into this version of wordpress to tweak and modify and/or investigate, so I fear it will remain a mystery.

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