Part 9: (decasyllabic line rebalanced)

There is a balance;
I feel it is important,
So I see to it.

Here are a very similar 140 syllables, still no attention is placed on meter, but only on syllabic count.  The words have been reordered just enough to make the four sections correspond closely to what began to unfold in part 6. Can you still see the meaning in the words?  This form has less tension in it than does the previous form because it is more regular.  Normally I would not want to remove tension and resolution, but we have a quite a way to travel yet, and the regular shape and form will help in later steps.  Particularly in the next step.

Have a look.  It’s a subtle difference.  Perhaps compare this with part 8.

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8 responses to “Part 9: (decasyllabic line rebalanced)

  1. Dear Mr. and Mrs. E. Please visit my latest post, The Fragrance of Daffodils….the poem aint that good and I am going to re-work for another time, but the photo shows a pic of my papa and 6 year old Kanzen and the teapot that belonged to my great grandmother. I really just wanted to share the photo, actually. I went out today after sleetysnowyrainyicy week to brilliant warm sun and the blessed daffodils in the natural area of our yard. Happy Spring!

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    • Thank you very much, Kanzen! I have been to your site and read your wonderful piece. The photo and the story that goes along with it are treasures. Thank you for sharing.

      And thank you for mentioning it here — I don’t always get my preferred reading in each day [or even each week] and could have missed it. That would have been a loss.

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    • I wanted the two of you to see this, not because of the not so good poem but for the daffies and pic and teapot. My husband says I am not really a poet because nothing “rhymes” and there is no meter count. I know I am truly not a good poet but I do enjoy trying. I was pleased to see David’s haiku presented! like a sonnet – it is elegant in its forms and creative in spite of rules – drives on to think in a different mindset. I enjoy paring down and cutting through the muck to bring forth something clear and true, with minimum of words. The whole Zen thing… but I also appreciate the sonnet with its rules and rhymes, moving words around to speak and make one feel. I am not always content with my haiku yet I always try to reach that perfection.

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