I do not believe
But I celebrate and pray.
Loved ones pray for me.
Perhaps if I pray,
And someone is listening,
It will save my soul.
Probably, it won’t
Unless I believe in Him
And He’s really there
Perhaps, if I pray,
God will then reveal Himself.
Then I could believe.
It would be so grand.
If I knew He would take me.
To all my loved ones.
One friend has told me.
That because I once believed,
That still I am saved.
It feels like cheating.
But he insists it is not.
He says God loves me.
That’s what my name means
In the language of Moses:
“Beloved of God”
Once, I loved him back.
That feeling has never changed.
Though faith has withered.
Infinitesimal
The size of a mustard seed,
That can move mountains.
That’s what my friend says.
That’s reason enough to pray.
So I still do it.
Silent. On my own.
Sometimes I pray with loved ones.
It never hurt me.
It makes me happy.
When I do, I feel better.
Nothing’s wrong with that.
Pray with your loved ones;
It will make you feel better;
And won’t hurt at all.
David Emeron: Sonnets 
But it’s hard to do. I don’t know if it’s guilt and shame or deadly pride, but the words choke in the throat. It is hard to look into that part of me and see. Maybe I am afraid to.
LikeLike
Still, though I do not believe, I do wish the best for you and for all your loved ones. And, of course, my sweet wife will pray for me, and for you, and everyone else she loves.
Happy Christmas, Gentle Mac.
LikeLike
And may I say, I was positively delighted to see you here, Mac!
LikeLike
I was honored and delighted by being invited and allowed to look in.
LikeLike
With the holidays, our dear Mrs. Emeron has been very tired and sleepy. The strange hours I keep, I’m afraid, do not help. But just now, she is up and about, arranging Christmas presents, and such and sends her love.
LikeLike
…and in my rather long-winded answer, which is more a rambling soliloquy with your comments here acting as its muse than an actual answer, although much of the time, I am at least pretending I am addressing you directly.
LikeLike
I do wish you and yours a blessed Christmas. You and the Gentle Lady are very much in my thoughts.
LikeLike
And of course, all those sentiments are retuned with as much warmth as we both feel for you. I also think of you often.
I should say that to both your comments, I have written so long a response that it seems it begs for a post of its own.
And, I should also say… (lengthy, sleep inducing, answer continued here)
LikeLike
My dear, Gentle Mac, it was delightful to see you here! Merriest of Christmas to you and yours. Our children made a mad dash down to see us for a day on the 23rd and I was quite taken up with all the excitement but was still sad to miss your visit. I bore in mind throughout all that this is a difficult time of year for you and prayers for your ease and peace of mind were uppermost in my schedule.
I wish there was more I could do.
LikeLike